Wildly careening plateless and uninsured through our peaceful boulevards

Recently, although only hypothetically, I received a traffic ticket for three violations: speeding, not having a front plate (sorry, the Blue Meanie looks tiiiight without one) and not having updated insurance information.

Since this hypothetically occurred, I have received no less than four unsolicited form letters from local attorneys that would be MORE than happy to represent me for a low price per violation.

Seeing as I am not, hypothetically, a frequent breaker of the law, I asked my brother for his advice via email:

If one HYPOTHETICALLY got a ticket for speeding, not having a front license plate and for not having an updated insurance card on their person, although they did have insurance, just not the updated card, would it be good to get a lawyer to take care of these things for like $50 per violation, since HYPOTHETICALLY once a ticket is received, lawyers send a bunch of mail to said person who HYPOTHETICALLY received a ticket with pretty nice prices to make all this stuff go away.

Jen

His smart-ass response:

The HYPOTHETICAL criminal and perpetrator could in fact hire a lawyer to file re-file court postponements "to oblivion". Said criminal / perpetrator / terrorist / bad person might want to contact one Anthony B. for his advice since he has had some HYPOTHETICAL (and repeated)experience in this domain, and knows an attorney who is quite adept at managing HYPOTHETICAL situations for criminal / perpetrator / terrorist / babykiller / rapists / thief / crack whore / atheist types...the very sort of irresponsible hooligan apt to get speeding tickets while wildly careening plateless and uninsured through our peaceful boulevards. The types of people WE would never want to know or associate with, surely!

Praise!
J

I LOLed at work. True story.

---

Other things from around the web that caught my eye:

• The dinosaurs have an argument that tears friendships apart over on Qwantz.
  
  
• If you're protesting the USA's proposed immigration laws, shouldn't you be waving an American flag and NOT chanting "Mexico! Mexico! Mexico!"? Just a thought. Liberal I may be, but I only support LEGAL immigration.