Things that invariably always seem to be true...

1. I will always, ALWAYS, be eating during an episode of C.S.I., whether live T.V. or not, especially during the gross "we just discovered this 4-week old dead body and he's covered in MAGGOTS!" close up.
2. You're NEVER dead on a soap opera if they didn't find your body.
3. Players in a $1.20 no limit hold 'em tourney bitch way more than high-dollar players (the notable exception being Phil Helmuth).
4. Flash sites are useless.
5. Regarding above truism: the most often used part of a Flash site is "skip intro."
6. Nothing breeds solidarity among cats quite like one observing another getting a bath, knowing that he's next.
7. "Heavy Petting" is far sexier as a rock band name then a description of two people going past the making out stage.
8. Small children should not be allowed to "double dip" in snack bowls (e.g. a bowl of preztels) -- usually a rather copious amount of snot and spittle rides back on the hand that's diving into the food.

City of WHAT ARE THEY THINKING???!!!

This is just a lazy copy and paste from the City of Heroes forums, but I feel I need to save it somewhere should the CoH mods feel it needs deleting. Honestly, I'm so fucking tired of thinking about this and discussing it. For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, City of Heroes is an online game I've been playing for a year now. Massive changes are afoot - perhaps. But even the mere suggestion of the changes on the test server makes me think that the development team has a severe case of having their collective heads up their asses. And this is something I cannot abide by.

Therefore, my post (now with CSS!):

No amount of testing is going to make me feel any less disheartened by the changes on test. Nor will it lessen my sneaking suspicion that Statesman is neither suited to dispense smart customer service or being entirely honest with the community. Nor am I entirely convinced that a good ol' bait and switch won't occur, when a couple of the nerfs are modified or rolled back and the fanboys are only too happy to fall all over themselves to praise the benevolent Statesman for taking pity on us poor fools.

Some people leave, others join. Such is the nature of MMP's. - Statesman

That's a big apathetic shrug in my direction and I could do without that attitude regarding customer retention. If I wanted a smug attitude and little thought to current customers, I'd call my cell phone provider. They're always good for a big middle finger.

The "reason" behind the pet change is that stackable pets was not what they intended 2 years ago. Two years of design and 14 months of beta testing plus live play, with paying customers, later they NOW decide to change pets to retrofit to their "intentions?" This makes me shake my head in bewilderment. Are they bad designers/developers? Are they treating me like I'm gullible and stupid? Are they lying? How do they let something like this fall through the cracks? These are the questions I ask myself when I read Stateman's reasoning. Perhaps I'm asking myself the wrong questions, but I can't find the faith in States et al. to ask more optimistic questions.

I suppose I will dismissively be labeled as a doomsayer. But I really enjoy the heck out of CoH - or I did before Friday's test patch put a massive damper on my enthusiasm for the game. I can't "test" the issues I have with these changes on the test server - my frustrations are larger than power changes. So, before anyone bashes me about not being on the test server and helping out the "community," reread that last statement.

Furthermore, the aspects of the game that the devs are concentrating on don't interest me. I want BETTER content - not more click on X blinkies or save 25 magicians from the nooks and crannies of an Orenbega map. I want skills - and not just something that I can learn in order to show me where all the blinkies are on a map. I want smarter AI. I want something for my level 50 to do besides stand around Atlas Park and get begged for influence.

I will be putting my money where my mouth is - or rather withdrawing it - should many of these changes go live or I feel like a big shell game is being played. It comes down to principle for me and I honestly don't think I'll have much fun come I5. I gotta thank Statesman for one thing though...I've stopped logging in to CoH and spent my time doubling my bankroll on Poker Stars instead. Thank you easter bunny!

I would also like to add: Statesman, you ignorant slut. I left that out of my original post. I feel it adds more flair, but alas didn't want to be censored.

Better the hanger than the hangee...

Something strange has been happening. Something disturbing and disheartening. Something offensive that I am now obsessed with...and causing me to plot my revenge.

Telemarketers are now hanging up on me.

What the...?

Over the past two days, three magazine telemarketers have called me to "confirm" that they have the correct mailing information for me, so they can send me magazines. Of course, I don't want more magazines. When I ask to be removed from their call list, they say I already have an account with them. And I may, since I've received some magazines in the past. But it's quite obvious that they're trying to get me to agree to paying for magazines that I don't want. Ladies Home Journal? Puh-leez.

So, I've asked them which magazines they're currently sending me. I'm only receiving two magazines, one that I haven't been mailed yet (note to self: take out telemarketer frustration on amazon.com because I still don't have one damn copy of The Football Digest that I subscribed to months ago).

And every time I start to ask the tough question - what are they currently sending me - they fucking hang up on me.

NO SIR! NOT HAVIN' IT! I WILL NOT HAVE TELEMARKETERS HANGING UP ON ME!

This depresses me. I'm the hanger-upper. I'm the one that decides when their intrusion upon my life ends. It's like breaking up with a boyfriend...I don't want to be broken up upon! I'm the one that does the breaking up! And even if I don't want to break up but I sense a break up coming from the man, I will do a pre-emptive strike and pull the trigger first.

So, now, I'm wondering what exactly they want from me and what constitutes an agreement to buy magazines from them. They're always beating around the bush, asking me demographic questions and to confirm my mailing address. Then they begin their "well, we just wanted to confirm your details so we can send your magazines to you," which makes me wonder just how little they need to tell me about the true purposes of their call before Guns and Ammo and Field and Stream are winging their way to my doorstep, a bill soon to follow.

I'm going to change my strategy, if they're foolish enough to keep calling me. I'm going to act clueless and nice (shudder) in order to get more information about their nefarious scheme to get me subscribed to every single useless magazine they can distribute. One of them bitches even called under the pretense that they wanted to tell me not to pay for another subscription to the magazines I get (they were non-specific), as if they were doing me a favor by letting me know that if I paid for another subscription, I'd get two copies of the same magazine. REALLY? Wait, let me fucking write that down, that's a complex concept.

I refuse to feel sorry for telemarketers - that they're only doing their job. Well, get another fucking job, one that doesn't mean you have to call me during dinner time to play a verbal shell game in order to charge me for something I don't want. Work for someone that doesn't do some creative writing to confuse and mislead "customers" in order to get some abitrary and unwitting approval for getting 4 bad magazines per week.

I will not be hung up upon again. I break up with them! Not the other way around! I wear the pants in this relationship, bitches. Now I'm emotionally invested. I will have my petty, small revenge!

You have to fornicating read this!: Simon of Space

When most of the internet is faeces, including this blog, it's nice when you find something that kinda fornicating rocks. So, when you find something wonderful, you gotta pimp it.

Simon of Space is an ongoing blognovel that I have become addicted to of late. It's a sci-fi tale, but don't let that sway you one way or the other until you give Simon and his friends a chance to pull you into their world. It's an old-fashioned serial in a way, something that you may find yourself anxiously "tuning" into when a new post crosses your RSS feeds, and jonesin' for when a day or two has passed without a new entry.

Simon is an amnesiac who must find his way through an unfamiliar world where most things are either delightful discoveries or painful lessons. He has a penchant for wearing his bathrobe over his clothes. He falls in with a ragtag bunch -- a small boy, a dog with a flatulence problem and a dangerously loyal robot -- meeting some unsavory types along the way who are more than happy to take advantage of a man who is basically learning just about everything all over again.

If you like Simon of Space, pimp it to your friends.