Who thunk this shit up?

Any of you old enough to remember playing that masochistic game called "Operation"? The one were you had to extract fake body parts out of that fat dude with the Hitler hair-do?

Who in their right mind EVER thought that game was a good concept? Basically you had these little metal tweezers and if you touched the metal sides around the body part, the game would buzz loudly and the dude's nose would light up.

This game was an anxiety attack waiting to happen. Who gives this shit to little kids to play? Lemme tell you, I was one stressed out 7 year old playing this game. I have yet to talk to one person who played Operation as a kid that wasn't a complete nervous wreck because of it. Hands shaking, forehead beading up with sweat as you tried to extract the wishbone. BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!! FAILURE! ABJECT, HORRIBLE, MISERABLE FAILURE!!!

What about the good old Sit -N- Spin? I had one of these and I spun the fuck out of it. My whole goal was to spin so fast that I'd spin myself off of it. Then I'd lay on my back for however long it took me to get over the room spinning and sick feeling. Little did I know that a childhood toy would foreshadow how it felt to get drunk off one's ass. But really, was there any point to the Sit -N- Spin if you didn't try to spin off of it and fly across the room? Seriously.

Ah, and the Big Wheel was the mamma jamma of all childhood toys. It was hoss. Utter and complete ownage as a toy. I loved my big wheel. All us neighborhood kids did. My goal was to try and go around the corner really fast and see if I could get up on two wheels without rolling over (who knew it would share that trait with the modern-day SUV?). Oh man, those were some good times.

Honestly, they should make Big Wheels for adults. Who wouldn't ride around their neighborhood, flashing some Big Wheel bling? Imagine riding your Big Wheel over to your neighbor's house to see if they want to go get some Slurpees.

OWNAGE!

New Domain Host

Ye olde stinkykitty was down a bit last week because I switched my domain name registrar/name park server to godaddy.com. I can't say enough about their prices and customer service. I couldn't figure out how to forward my domain to my small SBC web server space, and they spelled it out for me in a way that any moron could understand.

Oh wait...does that make me the moron?

So, I went GOLFING for the first time in months on Saturday. I know. I KNOW! I totally missed the NFL draft, which I was looking foward to for a month. But I have it DVRed.

I shot a 104. Yeah, I suck as a golfer, but I did have a chip-in birdie on a par 3. Oh, I also had an eagle opportunity on the last hole, a par 5 (like holy shit, how do I, Miss Short Shot, get my ball up on the green in 2 shots on a par 5?). Of course, I ended up parring that hole. The putt was really long...it's not like I actually put the ball close to the hole. That's what happens when I get lucky and roll the ball up on the green with my 3 wood.

So, I'm now totally sunburnt because I'm a moron and didn't realize that even though it's just spring, the sun in Texas will burn you to a crisp. I've got that nice farmer's burn going, so I look like a total redneck...LITERALLY!

Anyhoo, NOT EXCITED ABOUT THE TEXANS' DRAFT. We should have traded 10 spots down and picked up a wide receiver and maybe gain a pick in the 2nd or 3rd round for this year. Well, we did pick up a WR in the third round...the self-described "fastest" WR in the draft. I kinda like getting a speedy WR to compliment the sheer PWNAGE that is Andre Johnson. We need to get those double-teams off of Dre, and the way to do it is stretch the field with a speed guy.

AMC Update:

So anyway, like Kendall goes completely APESHIT on Hairboy (Ethan) and throws his engagement ring back in his face after she exposes his lie that he saw his father, Zach, kill Mr. Eyebrows, Edmund Grey (it was really that fucking headcase, Jonathon). I was all like YOU GO GIRL! because I totally hate Ethan and his damn hair. And what does Zach do? He swoops in to propose marriage, for business purposes only, to Kendall. OMGWTF this could be the best storyline EVAR if Kendall does marry Zach to get back at Ethan and they totally do that "I'm not in love with you" love story that I so enjoy, ala Jack and Jennifer on DOOL and recently, Greenlee and Ryan on AMC.

Here's why this is a good idea: #1, Zach is hot. #2, Zach is much smarter than most of the people in Pine Valley. #3, Zach is cool...he wants people to believe that he's a bad guy, but he's really not at all. #4, Zach is the only one who can match up well with Kendall and be her equal. She is, after all, Erica Kane's daughter. SNAP!

Ryan is missing from the hospital. I'm afraid there's more Lavery Sturm und Drang in the cards since he's now seeing visions of his crazy-ass brother, Jonathon, and totally shutting everyone out of his self-pity-fest. Not liking where this is going. He kicked the bad guy's ass and he should get back to trying to make babies with Greenlee. Now, instead, he doesn't want to have any kids because he's scared of passing on his "flawed" genes. WTF GET OVER YOURSELF!

Tamagotchi Angst

I found this product review on Amazon while looking up tamagotchi's:

"I love tamagotchi connecetion!!!!! my mom washed mine and broke so I want a new one. I have had one for over 5 months and I still love it!!! I will never get tired of my tamagotchi connection but I would like to get a new one because mine broke. Then i found my tamagotchi connection in the washer I was teerrified and my mom said sorry and promised to get me a new one. I tried to find some in stores but they are all sold out. What am I going to do??? I could wait until the new ones come out but I can't wait that long with no tamagochi to play with and take care of!!! I hope I can get another one soon."

LIKE OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG MY MOM BROKE MY TAMAGOTCHI!

Classic. The girl can't live without her fake electronic pet. Somewhere in a pet shelter, a tamagotchi was put to sleep because this girl's lazy ass mother waited too long to adopt another tamagotchi.

And don't ask why I was searching for tamagotchi's on Amazon. AND QUIT HIJACKING MY BLOG!

Oh, and ALL MY CHILDREN WOULD SO DO A FLYING GOLDEN DRAGON STRIKING SWAN DEADLY VENOM THROAT PUNCH TO THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS, IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY HOW MUCH AMC WOULD TOTALLY OWN Y&R!

My latest sig:

OMG AMC #1

UPDATE: AMC stands for All My Children, the best damn soap opera created EVAR. Damn fools. NO CELL PHONES DURING THE MOVIE!11!1!

From one of my loyal readers:

"Greenlee is way hot. Kendall is a bag of bones. Way to be hot Greenlee! The retarded blonde chick is hot but talks in a retarded way, so she is less hot than Greenlee. Edmund's widow used to be hot before she turned into beef jerky. Erica is hot for a septugenarian. The baby stealing blonde chick looks like Matt Damon. A hot, chick-version of Matt Damon, but I shit you not she looks like freaking Matt Damon. Greenlee! Way hot!"

Like OH MY GOD, Greenlee is hot. And it's okay for me to say that she's hot because she simply is and that doesn't make me gay or anything. Babe, the baby-stealer, looks like Matt Damon? Wha....? I don't think so!

Speaking of Hottie McHottersons, Aidan is awesome...and that accent of his? OMG. Zack Slater is lucious as well. I'm sooooo glad Port Charles is deaddeaddead and he's no longer playing a vampire with a heart of gold. I thought Days of Our Lives was whacked out (how many times was Marlena possessed by the devil on that show?) But the hottest Hottie McHotterson is cutie patootie J.R. Chandler. Especially when he has that spiky messy hair look. Never did ruthless vengeance look so good.

THANK-FUCKING-GOD moment:

Jonathon, that crazy muthafuck, is Dee-Eee-Dee, dead! FINALLY! I hated that scene-chewer from the first day he came to Pine Valley. Like, the whole tortured brothers storyline got really old. Now it looks like Ryan is going freakin' nuts after shooting Jonathon. Super. SUPER. I don't want any more Lavery brother drama. Ryan needs to get back to being Mr. Hotty and get over himself already. No more Lavery sturm und drang!

OMG-IT'S-ABOUT-FUCKING-TIME moment:

Kendall calls Hairboy (Ethan) a big fat liar-liar-pants-on-fire. I can NO LONGER watch Ethan without just looking at his pompadour. He could use a few lessons on hair hotness from J.R. Poor Kendall...she always gets screwed over by men. THEY ALWAYS FUCK YA IN THE DRIVE THRU! I have a feeling that they'll still end up together because someone has to turn Ethan from the dark side of the Cambias curse.

NOT-LOOKING-FORWARD-TO-THIS-TRAIN-WRECK-STORYLINE moment:

Great. Just freakin' great. Evil Doctor David just CAN'T help himself, can he? Now he wants to turn Diana into Dixie to "give her a new life?" Dixie IS coming back, I just didn't think it would be as an imposter. Still debating on whether or not Di's hair is a wig. Looks fake to me.

AWWWWW... moment:

Didja see when Lily asked Erica to dry her hair, because her mom dried her hair? That was so sweet! I really like Lily's character, but I'm not liking Edmund Gray's punk-ass kid getting all interested in her. First off, he's not hot. Secondly, he's being a dick to Maria, who is hopefully leaving the show. Those Gray/Santos kids could fall off the face of the earth and no one would miss them.

OMG AMC ROXXORS SO HARD!!11!1!1

The Great Bean Debate...

This post is for Scott Head and LaserJudas on the matter of beans in chili.

Now, I'm a fan of beans in chili, but I'm from Chicago, where a bowl of chili and some Saltine crackers constitutes a nice, hearty meal on a cold winter's day. We put beans in our chili up north.

Texas chili, on the other hand, mainly consists of beef cut into small piece rather than ground up beef. No beans. It is considered a sin to put beans in Texas chili. And some people make Texas chili that can burn the surface off of the sun. Chili, like BBQ, is more of a competition in Texas than anything. Sure, there's chili cook-offs in other areas of the nation, but Texas could make a contact sport out of it.

It's all a matter of taste and probably where you grew up. The chili they throw on coney island dogs is sorta a bastardized meat semi-liquid that I'm not at all sure contains any biological material. Don't get me wrong, a coney dog is damn good, but it's one of those things you don't really want to think about too much. And I'm more of a fan of the Chicago-style dog. Nothing but all-beef franks for this girl.

One day, when I'm feeling really experimental, I'm going to try some non-sweetened cocoa in my chili. Sounds weird, but supposedly it's a pretty good savory flavor that compliments the meat well.

Back on track...

...so between my sister dying, Illinois losing and my current IRS situation, I've managed to strike some level of normalcy of late. Although I kinda lost it today (quietly) at work and had to step outside for a bit of a cry (thinking of my sis), I've been rather fine.

So stuff going on right now:

1. Grieving is a process, but it doesn't have to completely suck. It's weird, the week of my sister's death, I was buying groceries at Randall's (and totally forgetting the beans for my goddamn chili) when a Steely Dan song came on the muzak system. They were one of her favs, and mine as well, and I don't think it was any sort of wacky coincidence. I told my brother and his word for it is "serendipity." Things could be random, but I suspect that they aren't. Not all the time, anyway.

2. The IRS is SO going to get their asses kicked by me. After looking at my records, I found I did declare one of the 1099's in dispute. The other two 1099's I never even received from my stellar company. And furthermore, those 1099's are for partnership units that one cannot buy bananas with.

They have no transferrable value and can't be easily or quickly sold for any real cash value. So, I ain't payin' them ANYTHING. Foot down! I'm thinking of including my "no bananas" drawing as exhibit A. Hmmmm...

3. I'm having fun designing again. I don't get it. It's never been something I've been terribly comfortable with...it's a constant struggle because I'm never satisfied. But lately...I dunno. It's just fun. I've been doing stupid things like forum sigs for myself (I know, how totally 16 year old boy of me!), but it's just FUN. No pressure and I'm designing for myself.



See? Dumb little things.

4. All My Children so fucking roxxors my soxxors! It seems silly to be so hooked on a soap opera, but the DVR gives me the luxury of watching it in bunches. Like OMGWTFBBQSAUCE here's the latest, right?:

Greenlee, Lily, Kendall and Ryan are SO trapped in a mineshaft by Ryan's loony-ass brother Jonathon, who is ready to BLOWS THEM ALL UP, even little autistic Lily, who freaks out about once an episode but is also seemingly the ONLY person on daytime TV who cannot lie. So, like, Ryan and Jonathon's DEAD ASS brother, Braden, is also in the mine because loony ass Jonathon totally killed him and he also killed Edmund "i cant stop staring at those huge ass eyebrows will SOMEONE shave them or something" Grey, who I am sooooo happy to see get offed as his eyebrows were, like, OMG so annoying. Uh, but could Kendall and Greenlee like freakin' NOTICE the dead guy in the mine shaft with them cuz they've only been trapped in there for like a week and a half of episodes. Like "hello! dead guy over here!". And OMG, could Greenlee and Kendall be the funniest pair of on-again-off-again best friends, who are funny and bitchy and witty and shit? And like, who actually comes up with names for characters on that show? Greenlee? Braden? This isn't freakin' Lord of the Mutherfuckin' Rings! I've never met anyone with those names EVAR. But, like, OMG who cares because All My Children, or AMC as us cool people call it, is the best soap opera EVAR. It could so beat up all the other soap operas if it were, like, a giant robot or ninja or something. OMG...how cool would that be, if AMC were a huge fucking robot and utterly destroyed Days of Our Lives by, like shooting it to death with it's huge laser robot eyes? That would so rule.

2005 has been a banner year so far...

Well, I wish fate could pile on a little more this year.

I just received a tax bill from last year on undeclared miscellaneous income. I earn ownership units at my current company, which they term as misc income on a 1099. Thing is, those units are worthless. Sure, they're valued at $.10 a share, but I can't buy shit with them. Now I owe $2000 dollars in back taxes on these things. The advice I received about these things ranged from "not worth declaring" to "discount the value by 70%". And I followed the first advice because I'm not in a position to afford a freakin' accountant to tell me what to do.

I love carrying the tax burden for a bunch of worthless units that I can't even trade for a bunch of bananas. There's gotta be another way to distribute these shares, but I'm guessing that this costs the company the least amount of money, which is why I have to foot the fucking bill.

I guess I've learned my lesson about start ups and the "promise" of partnership unit value.