You know, I can't walk into a Petsmart to buy my 50 tons of cat litter without seeing a couple dogs, their owners in tow. People and their damn dogs. You see, there's a REASON for leashes. That's so your dog doesn't violate my personal space. Because, you know, some folks don't like strange smelly dogs jumping on them and drooling.
There's this sort of assumed familiarity on the part of dog owners. THEY love their dogs, so certainly you must think their little stinky, frentic drool-bots are cute as well. No one can make you feel put upon quite like a dog owner. "Lookit Pookie, isn't he cute?! Never mind the slight rancid smell...he rolled around in some roadkill today. It's he PRECIOUS?!"
And then they have these "leashes." You know the ones...the ones with about 50 miles of give on them, like a tape measure, an untold length of leash that allows the dog owners to cast their dogs out to another time zone. What ever happened to the 5-foot leashes? Now these dogs have about a 50-foot radius around their owner, which is always TOO DAMN CLOSE TO ME. Those leashes have a little button on them that unfurls the leash, but no damn button that reels it back in. It needs an emergency "snatch that damn dog back here NOW" button. Please, think of the children!
I don't like to be out and about and have someone's animal foisted upon me, but dog owners take liberties. They do! Their dogs sniff and lick and jump and drool and shed all over you, and the owners fawn over them like they just cured cancer AND rescued little Jimmy from the well. Puh-leez.
Now, you may be wondering, how do I control my cats? When people come over to my house, don't my pets foist themselves upon my visitors?
Well, OF COURSE THEY DO, ASSCLOWN. That's the risk you run. If you're going to walk into my crib, the den of my cats, THEIR PROPERTY, then you can bet there's going to be a cat in your face, sniffing you (for bombs and drugs...they're trained), insisting you pay attention to them NOW NOW NOW and rubbing up against you. If you're lucky enough, you may get a cat butt in your face. This is their way of letting you know who they are and that you are now a part of their inner circle. But that's the price you pay coming over to my awesome house to visit awesome ol' me. And when my cats stare into your eyes and suck out your soul, you will know that there's an intelligence and endlessness behind their eyes that far exceed any dog.
Cats take you into their family and grant you a place within it, and if you're lucky enough, allow you to serve their will. Dogs roll around in their own shit and expect you to be impressed. And you wonder why cats have a superior attitude.
